say what you will, but this silly shite is kinda good for the ole ego! and an excellent source of time-wastage!
I highly recommend it.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
my second foray into Celebrity-lookalikedness!
say what you will, but this silly shite is kinda good for the ole ego! and an excellent source of time-wastage!
I highly recommend it.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
"Coming Out"
Today the world was rocked: Clay Aiken announced publically (via "People" magazine) that, yes, indeed he IS gay. Kudos, brother, kudos. In the face of conservative and self-righteous communities who may perceive this kind of pronouncement as a 'special' event around diversity, he has proven himself brave. Mind you, with all the pressure to come out as a public person, and media vultures clipping at one's ears until they are about to bleed, Clay's 'coming out' might arguably have been a strategic act of self-preservation. "I can't says I blame him."
In fact, his announcement has inspired my own exposition: I, (first name, last name), declare that I...am a "Heterosexual". Yep. Those of you who had suspected it, you were right all along. I have always been that way but was too scared to face things for fear of social, institutional oppression, and even public persecution (thank Goddess, I'm not famous! not yet anyway). In retrospect, I knew I was into Boys from an early age, from when my first crush in kindergarten saw me pee my pants. You can't buy this kind of humiliation. I remember standing in my school uniform at the front of the class begging the teacher to let me go to the washroom. She told me, "Not until you are finished reading the piece." But I could no longer read the piece, and she wasn't about to let me go to the washroom...but I um, did anyway. Right there, at the front of the classroom. Warm familiarity streaming down my gray nylons and puddling into my little black Dorothy shoes. I dared not look down, for the mortification of seeing it as being 'real' would prove too much for my little heart. But I saw 'his' eyes. Daniel (?), my crush, stared at me in disbelief and shame for me. He felt my pain. I wanted to cry but instead trudged away, making soft, gushy noises and silently cursing the day that cunt of a teacher had ever been born...
er, where was I? Well, my point was, from way back when, I knew that no matter how hard I tried, and how many times gay or bi-curious girls would sandwich me on the dance floor, or plant peckish, flirtateous kisses, no matter how many really cool, smart, sexy lesbians sort of 'checked me out' or gave me opportunity for 'eye sex'...I just did not have it in me to respond to the fairer sex. It's been men, boys, guys. I guess I must like dick. I am no longer going to be ashamed of that.
So...today, I feel brave enough to announce to friends and loved ones that I am indeed a "Heterosexual" Woman.
If only the world was not so judgemental of people or 'categorized' them as being different or incomplete somehow, if only there was less hate crimes centered around one's sexuality or any diversity, if only the state suported laws and policies that would protect those who only want to live their lives in peace and love another in the way that is real and right for THEM...if only things were more open and fair...I think I would have come out earlier. But the world isn't fair. And the Truth is scary to some people.
(Good on you, Clay.)
In fact, his announcement has inspired my own exposition: I, (first name, last name), declare that I...am a "Heterosexual". Yep. Those of you who had suspected it, you were right all along. I have always been that way but was too scared to face things for fear of social, institutional oppression, and even public persecution (thank Goddess, I'm not famous! not yet anyway). In retrospect, I knew I was into Boys from an early age, from when my first crush in kindergarten saw me pee my pants. You can't buy this kind of humiliation. I remember standing in my school uniform at the front of the class begging the teacher to let me go to the washroom. She told me, "Not until you are finished reading the piece." But I could no longer read the piece, and she wasn't about to let me go to the washroom...but I um, did anyway. Right there, at the front of the classroom. Warm familiarity streaming down my gray nylons and puddling into my little black Dorothy shoes. I dared not look down, for the mortification of seeing it as being 'real' would prove too much for my little heart. But I saw 'his' eyes. Daniel (?), my crush, stared at me in disbelief and shame for me. He felt my pain. I wanted to cry but instead trudged away, making soft, gushy noises and silently cursing the day that cunt of a teacher had ever been born...
er, where was I? Well, my point was, from way back when, I knew that no matter how hard I tried, and how many times gay or bi-curious girls would sandwich me on the dance floor, or plant peckish, flirtateous kisses, no matter how many really cool, smart, sexy lesbians sort of 'checked me out' or gave me opportunity for 'eye sex'...I just did not have it in me to respond to the fairer sex. It's been men, boys, guys. I guess I must like dick. I am no longer going to be ashamed of that.
So...today, I feel brave enough to announce to friends and loved ones that I am indeed a "Heterosexual" Woman.
If only the world was not so judgemental of people or 'categorized' them as being different or incomplete somehow, if only there was less hate crimes centered around one's sexuality or any diversity, if only the state suported laws and policies that would protect those who only want to live their lives in peace and love another in the way that is real and right for THEM...if only things were more open and fair...I think I would have come out earlier. But the world isn't fair. And the Truth is scary to some people.
(Good on you, Clay.)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
"Survivor, Exciting and New! Come Aboard We're Expecting You..."
So "Survivor" was cool and exciting (as one of the first North American mainstream really succesful 'reality shows' at its launch). Ok that's all good. Um.
However.
Survivor is in danger of becoming a joke upon itself, as it pushes its cart into its (17th?) season. By this time almost everyone has BEEN on Survivor as a contestant or as a winner! So where is the 'Surviving'? Isn't it more of a thrill when surviving is actually an anomaly, a happy and RARE occurance, than as an everyday (every season, at least) almost mundane happening? "Ok, so you need me to get bread, and milk and go win on Survivor? Right. Ok then, be back soon." Won't it lose a little something..?
I think by this point almost everyone (save for my mom and myself and a handful of jaded friends..?) have been 'Survivors'! Hot damn! There may just not be any more room for Specialness anymore! How can everybody be Special?? Won't that betray the very essence of being Special and 'standing out of the crowd'? In this case, the loser in the crowd is the stander-outee!! It's not that big a deal that you 'happen to be' the 113th person who has 'won' the Surviving challenge. Hell, everyone has reality-show style "Survived" and made it out alive, made it out a richer person, or even scored some new wheels in the deal too. But you may no longer be that big a shit, ya know what I mean?
Let's get real. What they need to do ('they' as in 'them', the 'powers that be', gurus of money-making, the entertainment-world self-proclaimed demi-gods of programming) is actually make it interesting. How about a reality show that is not about fame-whoring, or being another so-called "winner". How about a show called...(wait for it) "The Land of the Mediocre"!
I like that title. It would be a show about all the schmucks who have not been on Survivor (there are at least 23 of us left...I think) who are happy to be under-achievers in a content world of intensive couching, computer-mousing, remote-control-fondling and the like. Hell, I might even audition! Why not! At least, there is something new in town that is a novelty, a fresh idea!! A reality show for NON-winners, the anti-Survivor. NOBODY gets their fifteen seconds of fame! Screw you, Andy WarHO!!
I would so watch that.
Also, I am unsuccesfully trying to control my impulses toward impure thoughts that conjure up true tales of surviving: a cross between urban tales of the city and the horror genre! ie. "Thanksgiving at my Mother's...with her New, Cheeseball, Opportunistic Boyfriend who Gives Me the Creeps When He Tries to Dance All "cool" With Me"...or "Christmas Spent Consoling my Delusional Aunt as My Crazy, Drunken Uncle Embarrasses Everyone (except himself) By Foraying Into Drunken, Rage-Fueled Exposatory Storytelling..." See the Drama, Feel the Angst!
My favourite true Survivor-themed show would be, "How I Made It Out Without Slugging My Judgemental Father and His Deranged Girlfriend During Two Grueling Hours Enduring Their Insipid yet Dizzying, Frenzied, Deranged (said twice, but still accurately) One-Sided Conver-fuckin-sa-tions. Did They Ask How I the Frig I Was? No! Of Course Not!" (It's a long title, but it could work.)
Now THAT is Surviving!
Lastly, the worst part of this is that I will likely be tuning in the sodding show when it "premieres" (does that have any meaning anymore in this context??) its umpteenth season. Though I will have soaked my dentures in time to stick them back into my smile for the premiere, not to worry. "The show must go on." And on. And on. And...apparently, on...
However.
Survivor is in danger of becoming a joke upon itself, as it pushes its cart into its (17th?) season. By this time almost everyone has BEEN on Survivor as a contestant or as a winner! So where is the 'Surviving'? Isn't it more of a thrill when surviving is actually an anomaly, a happy and RARE occurance, than as an everyday (every season, at least) almost mundane happening? "Ok, so you need me to get bread, and milk and go win on Survivor? Right. Ok then, be back soon." Won't it lose a little something..?
I think by this point almost everyone (save for my mom and myself and a handful of jaded friends..?) have been 'Survivors'! Hot damn! There may just not be any more room for Specialness anymore! How can everybody be Special?? Won't that betray the very essence of being Special and 'standing out of the crowd'? In this case, the loser in the crowd is the stander-outee!! It's not that big a deal that you 'happen to be' the 113th person who has 'won' the Surviving challenge. Hell, everyone has reality-show style "Survived" and made it out alive, made it out a richer person, or even scored some new wheels in the deal too. But you may no longer be that big a shit, ya know what I mean?
Let's get real. What they need to do ('they' as in 'them', the 'powers that be', gurus of money-making, the entertainment-world self-proclaimed demi-gods of programming) is actually make it interesting. How about a reality show that is not about fame-whoring, or being another so-called "winner". How about a show called...(wait for it) "The Land of the Mediocre"!
I like that title. It would be a show about all the schmucks who have not been on Survivor (there are at least 23 of us left...I think) who are happy to be under-achievers in a content world of intensive couching, computer-mousing, remote-control-fondling and the like. Hell, I might even audition! Why not! At least, there is something new in town that is a novelty, a fresh idea!! A reality show for NON-winners, the anti-Survivor. NOBODY gets their fifteen seconds of fame! Screw you, Andy WarHO!!
I would so watch that.
Also, I am unsuccesfully trying to control my impulses toward impure thoughts that conjure up true tales of surviving: a cross between urban tales of the city and the horror genre! ie. "Thanksgiving at my Mother's...with her New, Cheeseball, Opportunistic Boyfriend who Gives Me the Creeps When He Tries to Dance All "cool" With Me"...or "Christmas Spent Consoling my Delusional Aunt as My Crazy, Drunken Uncle Embarrasses Everyone (except himself) By Foraying Into Drunken, Rage-Fueled Exposatory Storytelling..." See the Drama, Feel the Angst!
My favourite true Survivor-themed show would be, "How I Made It Out Without Slugging My Judgemental Father and His Deranged Girlfriend During Two Grueling Hours Enduring Their Insipid yet Dizzying, Frenzied, Deranged (said twice, but still accurately) One-Sided Conver-fuckin-sa-tions. Did They Ask How I the Frig I Was? No! Of Course Not!" (It's a long title, but it could work.)
Now THAT is Surviving!
Lastly, the worst part of this is that I will likely be tuning in the sodding show when it "premieres" (does that have any meaning anymore in this context??) its umpteenth season. Though I will have soaked my dentures in time to stick them back into my smile for the premiere, not to worry. "The show must go on." And on. And on. And...apparently, on...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Doesn't "blog" sound like someone drowning while simlutaneously gagging on runny oysters...(or is that just me?)
from the Dept. of "It Figures"
so I joined the notorious Facebook cult. ah yes, the power of the group persevered and I found myself creating a profile in order to access some documents my class group has posted.
That is how it started.
Well. Fast fwd a few months and I start filling out aptitude tests, and posting funny pictures, amusing myself by downloading applications, and taking quizzes like, "Which 1950's Pin-Up Girl are YOU?" and "Which Harry Potter character are you?" and thinking to myself, 'hey, this is alright. kind of fun, silly. maybe it is just the thing to keep my head out of proximity with my nether back regions for a while at least'.
Soon distant colleages spot me, or people I have only met once, or people from my past who did not actually know me but seemed nice enough who want to "add me" as an "FB-BFF" (my own term for FaceBook-BestestFriendsForever) and creepy, ex-boyfriends once so toxic for me are now also clammoring to 'befriend' me. Who am I to reject a request to be an e-friend for crissakes? That's gotta be horrible rejection! Shit, what harm can it really do? People CHANGE, don't prejudge, out with fear, in with love...and all that other shit.
Then I start getting invested in using FB as a makeshift social network.
I reason, "Maybe I can make more acquaintances through here and manage to go out more and get one of those things...you know, a life." So I start sending little keep-me-in-mind notes. "Hey, how are you? I see you have been busy having fun! Good on you. Drop me a line sometime", "Nice photo. That looks like a lot of fun. Was it?" To such requests, I received the typical urbanite reply. Silence. Crickets. Not a peep or a whimper, or an apologetic after-thought like "Oh, sorry I totally forgot to reply to you last month!" I tried to 'put myself out there' (whatever THAT means) but nothin' came of it.
Then FB starts to get me casting doubts about humanity in general. Dramatic.
I start feeling rejected and kind of pissed. I even close my account for a couple of weeks so I don't have to face pissy thoughts like, 'Why does no one reply to me?' I answer their questions, and respond with a question back to them when appropriate. Do they no longer have any use for my answer to the question THEY asked me? Then why ask in the first place? Now I have my own burning questions, "why bother addding me as a 'Friend' when you never reply to me, invite me anywhere (when you post great 'after-party' photos) or connect with me in any manner after 'adding' me?" This is very puzzling. Only one person actually replied within a decent time with a genuine response to my (genuine) question. How refreshing. (Thank you, Joel.)
I quickly realize that most people that have added me as a "FB-BFF" have no intention of being a friend in *real life*, or even a well-practised acquaintance. Instead, they save face by at least 'playing the part' of being invested. It might come down to collecting people, or "Faces" as the name implies. The more peeps you have as FB-BFF, the more popular you really, really are! Ok, so I'm another coin in the stamp collection. (Sardonic laugh here)
I like technology. Hell, I rely on it, and entertain myself through it and use it almost daily as par of the course of student-ing, and life. It has become a (cliche) 'Friend' of sorts. But substituting genuine intention with technology and letting that do the 'work' for you and instead of you is kind of missing the point. Isnt' it? or am I getting old?
To be fair, there are all types on there. Some sincere people who genuinely like you but would rather not actually get together with you (too busy, etc.), some people you'd rather leave in your past (that 'ex' I mentioned), some guys who want to flirt, and then my favourite: those who want to parade around how great their life is and how good-looking they really are. In the end, adding someone as a 'friend' means nothing, and 'friend' itself is grossly (mis)appropriated.
My problem is I expect too much from others, at least as much as I give to them. Not a wise thing, perhaps. Tonight is one such example of the culture of cyber "friendliness" that perplexes me. I get online, see there is a cute guy that I added as a friend after we both expressed "interest" in each other (through some dating application). I start to chat hoping to keep it light, get a sense of who this person is, how he thinks, if he has a sense of humour ("Please, lawd...let him have a sense of humour!"). Before long he mentions he can 'take care of my tension'. I peruse his profile noting the large number of attractive, single women 'friends' he has. I begin to see a pattern so I say 1/4 jokingly, "Well, let's stick to chatting for now! (smiley face icon) 'playeh'. haha". He does not like this. He replies, "playeh??", then abruptly signs off before I can even put my words into context! I cry onto the keyboard, then into my journal, feeling the great loss, the mourning of a true friend. I cry. Oh, how I cry. When I am done consoling myself, I think, "What an asshole. No sense of humour for one, and he can dish it out but sure can't take it. Good riddance then!"
I see someone else from my past is still online, and continue chatting with him. I even mention my terse moment with 'Playeh' and he laughs. I know he has been in ill health, so before long, I decide to invite myself to visit him. He accepts. This self-invite pushes me to go beyond my fear ("what if he emotionally or energetically leeches off me too much?") and be ok with being an acquaintance myself. Also, he is in a relationship which helps my ease, truth be told.
We're all lonely sometimes. Maybe this time, I can be an acquaintance to this person, regardless of how 'close' we are or are not. Get to know people, my heart tells me. Fuck, Facebook, Faca-de Book, fuck the pretenders (and I don't mean Cryssie Hynde). I will treat FB culture as only fun, frivolous & meaningless and will continue in pursuit of those completely meritless quizzes! As for making ACTUAL acquaintances, I will strive to "set down the mouse and try to step out of the house."
You can quote me on that, but only because it rhymes.
so I joined the notorious Facebook cult. ah yes, the power of the group persevered and I found myself creating a profile in order to access some documents my class group has posted.
That is how it started.
Well. Fast fwd a few months and I start filling out aptitude tests, and posting funny pictures, amusing myself by downloading applications, and taking quizzes like, "Which 1950's Pin-Up Girl are YOU?" and "Which Harry Potter character are you?" and thinking to myself, 'hey, this is alright. kind of fun, silly. maybe it is just the thing to keep my head out of proximity with my nether back regions for a while at least'.
Soon distant colleages spot me, or people I have only met once, or people from my past who did not actually know me but seemed nice enough who want to "add me" as an "FB-BFF" (my own term for FaceBook-BestestFriendsForever) and creepy, ex-boyfriends once so toxic for me are now also clammoring to 'befriend' me. Who am I to reject a request to be an e-friend for crissakes? That's gotta be horrible rejection! Shit, what harm can it really do? People CHANGE, don't prejudge, out with fear, in with love...and all that other shit.
Then I start getting invested in using FB as a makeshift social network.
I reason, "Maybe I can make more acquaintances through here and manage to go out more and get one of those things...you know, a life." So I start sending little keep-me-in-mind notes. "Hey, how are you? I see you have been busy having fun! Good on you. Drop me a line sometime", "Nice photo. That looks like a lot of fun. Was it?" To such requests, I received the typical urbanite reply. Silence. Crickets. Not a peep or a whimper, or an apologetic after-thought like "Oh, sorry I totally forgot to reply to you last month!" I tried to 'put myself out there' (whatever THAT means) but nothin' came of it.
Then FB starts to get me casting doubts about humanity in general. Dramatic.
I start feeling rejected and kind of pissed. I even close my account for a couple of weeks so I don't have to face pissy thoughts like, 'Why does no one reply to me?' I answer their questions, and respond with a question back to them when appropriate. Do they no longer have any use for my answer to the question THEY asked me? Then why ask in the first place? Now I have my own burning questions, "why bother addding me as a 'Friend' when you never reply to me, invite me anywhere (when you post great 'after-party' photos) or connect with me in any manner after 'adding' me?" This is very puzzling. Only one person actually replied within a decent time with a genuine response to my (genuine) question. How refreshing. (Thank you, Joel.)
I quickly realize that most people that have added me as a "FB-BFF" have no intention of being a friend in *real life*, or even a well-practised acquaintance. Instead, they save face by at least 'playing the part' of being invested. It might come down to collecting people, or "Faces" as the name implies. The more peeps you have as FB-BFF, the more popular you really, really are! Ok, so I'm another coin in the stamp collection. (Sardonic laugh here)
I like technology. Hell, I rely on it, and entertain myself through it and use it almost daily as par of the course of student-ing, and life. It has become a (cliche) 'Friend' of sorts. But substituting genuine intention with technology and letting that do the 'work' for you and instead of you is kind of missing the point. Isnt' it? or am I getting old?
To be fair, there are all types on there. Some sincere people who genuinely like you but would rather not actually get together with you (too busy, etc.), some people you'd rather leave in your past (that 'ex' I mentioned), some guys who want to flirt, and then my favourite: those who want to parade around how great their life is and how good-looking they really are. In the end, adding someone as a 'friend' means nothing, and 'friend' itself is grossly (mis)appropriated.
My problem is I expect too much from others, at least as much as I give to them. Not a wise thing, perhaps. Tonight is one such example of the culture of cyber "friendliness" that perplexes me. I get online, see there is a cute guy that I added as a friend after we both expressed "interest" in each other (through some dating application). I start to chat hoping to keep it light, get a sense of who this person is, how he thinks, if he has a sense of humour ("Please, lawd...let him have a sense of humour!"). Before long he mentions he can 'take care of my tension'. I peruse his profile noting the large number of attractive, single women 'friends' he has. I begin to see a pattern so I say 1/4 jokingly, "Well, let's stick to chatting for now! (smiley face icon) 'playeh'. haha". He does not like this. He replies, "playeh??", then abruptly signs off before I can even put my words into context! I cry onto the keyboard, then into my journal, feeling the great loss, the mourning of a true friend. I cry. Oh, how I cry. When I am done consoling myself, I think, "What an asshole. No sense of humour for one, and he can dish it out but sure can't take it. Good riddance then!"
I see someone else from my past is still online, and continue chatting with him. I even mention my terse moment with 'Playeh' and he laughs. I know he has been in ill health, so before long, I decide to invite myself to visit him. He accepts. This self-invite pushes me to go beyond my fear ("what if he emotionally or energetically leeches off me too much?") and be ok with being an acquaintance myself. Also, he is in a relationship which helps my ease, truth be told.
We're all lonely sometimes. Maybe this time, I can be an acquaintance to this person, regardless of how 'close' we are or are not. Get to know people, my heart tells me. Fuck, Facebook, Faca-de Book, fuck the pretenders (and I don't mean Cryssie Hynde). I will treat FB culture as only fun, frivolous & meaningless and will continue in pursuit of those completely meritless quizzes! As for making ACTUAL acquaintances, I will strive to "set down the mouse and try to step out of the house."
You can quote me on that, but only because it rhymes.
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