Friday, August 06, 2010

scathing new blog...or "Girls Who Don't Pee"

Sometimes I ruminate on the idea of starting a whole new blogosphere and calling it, (and this is critical and non-negotiable).."Girls Who Don't Pee".

Today I had the bemusement and mild annoyance, of meeting stall-to-stall with another such creature from my office floor (other offices, one bathroom sort of thing). This one was much like the others...(here I let out a sigh for dramatic effect..and, well, because I is tired!). As soon as she became aware of my presence entering bathroom, she became silent. Deadly silent. As in, "I am not even here" silent. As in, if-I-am-quiet-enough-maybe-my-bladder-will-open-up-and-I-can-refill-it-by-defying-gravity-so-I-don't-have-to-pee-anymore silent.

It was, to say the least, disturbing. I wanted to tap on the wall playfully and ease that tension, "C'mon, girl, Let it out! You're among friends here! Nothing I aint heard before!" (yes, I've heard more than I care to recall. but SEEN worse. let's not go there...)

Meantime, I unfolded the paper seat cover and prepped for my business. When I step into a public bathroom, time is fleeting, with my meager little break dwindling away with every second, I take my business seriously. While I took care of my needs without too much violence or assault on the senses of others, miss Lady wadded up balls of toilet paper to 'muffle' sounds. It was painstaking to listen to (try as I might to NOT. .), and even more painstaking to feel her embarrassment at the self-enforced hiding of this 'thing' that didnt' happen. She did definitely NOT pee. It did not happen. (You didn't see anything, now move along!) Finally, in an act of bladder salvation, she let the loud flush to grant her precious few seconds in which to her business be set free. LAWD! Thank goddess for the flush, else this poor girl would have gotten herself purple bladder had I decided to 'linger' and sit in my stall. I think she would have preferred that than to be heard really letting it rip! (and we're still talking about Number 1 here!)

Now I know what you're thinking: I'm not taking into account a complicated, multi-faceted issues respective of cultural background, ideas, beliefs, misconceptions, etc., socialization, gender expectation, and the like. Yes, I am! But I'm irked nonetheless that somewhere in the minds of some of these young women it has become socially unacceptable, even embarrassing to let a perfectly natural function of every human being occur. Even in a place expressly there FOR that very purpose!

Why is there so much shame and embarrassment? Aren't women supposed to be partake in more 'base' or primal needs? Why not? Are we made to be beautiful, pristine creatures who naturally awake curly-lashed, gorgeous, glossy haired, patchouli-scented, green apple shampooed and doe-eyed maidens who are ethereal, other-wordly, thereby, not quite of this earth? makes one ponder: perhaps a beautiful woman in some cultures IS to be an otherwordly creature who is perfect. If supposedly 'base' needs (eating, sleeping, defecating, copulating, etc.) represent something Less than that, then one must strive to be better than the real, the UN-Cola! And of course, culturally set templates are only reyfied and perpetuated while being imposed into our frontal lobes via popular media and other institutions (church, schools).

Cue the commercial with the ever- jovial mom who has to clean up after her kid, dog AND husband all with a smile on her face, a svelte figure and cute shiny hair. The Perfect Woman who has it All! (and in fine print, who DOES it all too- and simultaneously and without recognition as work! ha "oh, please! That's all part of being a woman!" she's perfect, and efficient, shiny haired, and excitedly jumping up and down in white pants if menstruating). Yippee! that perfect woman on Teli prob does NOT go to the bathroom either;)

Keeping our selves all tucked up and lifted up and plucked around and shaven and shiny and sucked in is such a toil and on-going demand on the 'cleaning up' of a real human woman. It is startling how much of this Real Human Woman needs to be either repaired of cleaned up. Look at any commercial on teli: douche with this, wear this deodorant, make your hair shinier with this, put on these, wear this up there during that you-know-time-of-the-month unspokenness, lose weight using this, and so on... The repair and maintenance of the Real Human Woman, who by virtue of undoing her 'naturalness' becomes UNreal, thereby a Better, Cleaner, more pristine human being.

How is does one navigate from looking "attainable", yet remaining perfect, pristine (whereby expressing bodily functions are relegated to "Lesser than" ladylike or classy), also as culturally understood with respect to class differentiation [ie. low class vs. high class], class structures, and of course, gender differences and expectations (ie. men can shout and make noise, women are to be gentle, subdued and above all, QUIET.) That is perhaps a longer, juicier blog for future..another one to chew on later.

But now the night awaits, and me, I'm a mortal fleshy human person who needs to recuperate her body, rest her mind and let other cellular parts of me regenerate as they will. But come first thing in the morning...well let's just say you wouldn't want to play 'tent' with me.

tee hee.