from the Dept. of "It Figures"
so I joined the notorious Facebook cult. ah yes, the power of the group persevered and I found myself creating a profile in order to access some documents my class group has posted.
That is how it started.
Well. Fast fwd a few months and I start filling out aptitude tests, and posting funny pictures, amusing myself by downloading applications, and taking quizzes like, "Which 1950's Pin-Up Girl are YOU?" and "Which Harry Potter character are you?" and thinking to myself, 'hey, this is alright. kind of fun, silly. maybe it is just the thing to keep my head out of proximity with my nether back regions for a while at least'.
Soon distant colleages spot me, or people I have only met once, or people from my past who did not actually know me but seemed nice enough who want to "add me" as an "FB-BFF" (my own term for FaceBook-BestestFriendsForever) and creepy, ex-boyfriends once so toxic for me are now also clammoring to 'befriend' me. Who am I to reject a request to be an e-friend for crissakes? That's gotta be horrible rejection! Shit, what harm can it really do? People CHANGE, don't prejudge, out with fear, in with love...and all that other shit.
Then I start getting invested in using FB as a makeshift social network.
I reason, "Maybe I can make more acquaintances through here and manage to go out more and get one of those things...you know, a life." So I start sending little keep-me-in-mind notes. "Hey, how are you? I see you have been busy having fun! Good on you. Drop me a line sometime", "Nice photo. That looks like a lot of fun. Was it?" To such requests, I received the typical urbanite reply. Silence. Crickets. Not a peep or a whimper, or an apologetic after-thought like "Oh, sorry I totally forgot to reply to you last month!" I tried to 'put myself out there' (whatever THAT means) but nothin' came of it.
Then FB starts to get me casting doubts about humanity in general. Dramatic.
I start feeling rejected and kind of pissed. I even close my account for a couple of weeks so I don't have to face pissy thoughts like, 'Why does no one reply to me?' I answer their questions, and respond with a question back to them when appropriate. Do they no longer have any use for my answer to the question THEY asked me? Then why ask in the first place? Now I have my own burning questions, "why bother addding me as a 'Friend' when you never reply to me, invite me anywhere (when you post great 'after-party' photos) or connect with me in any manner after 'adding' me?" This is very puzzling. Only one person actually replied within a decent time with a genuine response to my (genuine) question. How refreshing. (Thank you, Joel.)
I quickly realize that most people that have added me as a "FB-BFF" have no intention of being a friend in *real life*, or even a well-practised acquaintance. Instead, they save face by at least 'playing the part' of being invested. It might come down to collecting people, or "Faces" as the name implies. The more peeps you have as FB-BFF, the more popular you really, really are! Ok, so I'm another coin in the stamp collection. (Sardonic laugh here)
I like technology. Hell, I rely on it, and entertain myself through it and use it almost daily as par of the course of student-ing, and life. It has become a (cliche) 'Friend' of sorts. But substituting genuine intention with technology and letting that do the 'work' for you and instead of you is kind of missing the point. Isnt' it? or am I getting old?
To be fair, there are all types on there. Some sincere people who genuinely like you but would rather not actually get together with you (too busy, etc.), some people you'd rather leave in your past (that 'ex' I mentioned), some guys who want to flirt, and then my favourite: those who want to parade around how great their life is and how good-looking they really are. In the end, adding someone as a 'friend' means nothing, and 'friend' itself is grossly (mis)appropriated.
My problem is I expect too much from others, at least as much as I give to them. Not a wise thing, perhaps. Tonight is one such example of the culture of cyber "friendliness" that perplexes me. I get online, see there is a cute guy that I added as a friend after we both expressed "interest" in each other (through some dating application). I start to chat hoping to keep it light, get a sense of who this person is, how he thinks, if he has a sense of humour ("Please, lawd...let him have a sense of humour!"). Before long he mentions he can 'take care of my tension'. I peruse his profile noting the large number of attractive, single women 'friends' he has. I begin to see a pattern so I say 1/4 jokingly, "Well, let's stick to chatting for now! (smiley face icon) 'playeh'. haha". He does not like this. He replies, "playeh??", then abruptly signs off before I can even put my words into context! I cry onto the keyboard, then into my journal, feeling the great loss, the mourning of a true friend. I cry. Oh, how I cry. When I am done consoling myself, I think, "What an asshole. No sense of humour for one, and he can dish it out but sure can't take it. Good riddance then!"
I see someone else from my past is still online, and continue chatting with him. I even mention my terse moment with 'Playeh' and he laughs. I know he has been in ill health, so before long, I decide to invite myself to visit him. He accepts. This self-invite pushes me to go beyond my fear ("what if he emotionally or energetically leeches off me too much?") and be ok with being an acquaintance myself. Also, he is in a relationship which helps my ease, truth be told.
We're all lonely sometimes. Maybe this time, I can be an acquaintance to this person, regardless of how 'close' we are or are not. Get to know people, my heart tells me. Fuck, Facebook, Faca-de Book, fuck the pretenders (and I don't mean Cryssie Hynde). I will treat FB culture as only fun, frivolous & meaningless and will continue in pursuit of those completely meritless quizzes! As for making ACTUAL acquaintances, I will strive to "set down the mouse and try to step out of the house."
You can quote me on that, but only because it rhymes.
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